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Berrysoup Journals...

Well, this section is more for myself than for my visitors.  The contents are no more than self-indulgent words which might or might not interest others, but satisfies myself.  In fact, they probably won't make much sense to you, so don't read them if you don't want to get annoyed.

This is my page, my playground...

October 31, 2001

I've been moved to college for over three months.  I was prepared for changes in my life, but I'm glad that nothing bad has happened so far.  Well, I wasn't too worried about long distance relationship to start with, I have confidence in us.  However, it's difficult to be away from home and away from the person I love.  I never wanted to be a dependent person, but then I realized that emotions tend to make people weaker.  Now, I'm not exactly who I want myself to be.  I thought I can deal with emotions, but they are just overwhelming sometimes that I don't want to swallow any more bitterness.  Sometimes, I tell myself that I should be happy with what I have, but then I'm eager for more.  Every human being needs comfort one way or another, and to me, nothing is better than that the tender touch of the person I love.

May 21st, 2001

Finally, all the AP tests are over, after tomorrow's math final, I'm all done with tests for the next two weeks.
However, today has been a very irritating day.  I hate the feeling of constant anxiety and anxiousness, but that's all I felt today.  All I want to do is either have a good cry or get to the source of which caused me so much pain.  None of them, however, is  accessible at this moment. 
I'm not up to telling why I felt that way here, but the only way for me to cope with this painful feeling is to just spit things out and get it over with--that's what I'm doing here.  To others, I do  not appear to be depressed--I realized that my attitude toward the public doesn't change much with my mood.  Somebody in my gym class actually pointed out today that it seems like I'm always in a good mood and always look energized, which is just awesome.  I could only smile with a bitter heart and answer, "Not really."


April 12th, 2001

I was almost inspired and wanted to write something yesterday, but I ended up adding some new features to my web page and editing it.  It doesn't seem like I can really pick up my pen till I'm either in a bad mood or when I'm obliged to write something.  I can count today as an exception, however, because I feel rather normal today.  It's just a usual Thursday, nothing special about it except that we have Friday off, and it makes today feel like a Friday.

Yesterday, I played the toughest badminton game of the season.  The score was so close that it seems impossible for me to win.  I felt so blessed when I finally won the match.  My leg muscles felt like tightly twisted rags--it was very painful for about twenty minutes after the game.  Not till ten minutes after the game had I noticed that my sweat was dripping all over and my long hair was completely wet.  Sport is such a crazily competitive activity--it's all about the hormones, baby.  Our badminton team lost to their team 14-1 which means I was the only winner yesterday.  

I received a origami flower from my boyfriend this afternoon, it's the cutest flower ever ^_^.